Searching For O
by littlestar300
Summary: Bella Swan is unlucky in love, she has never experienced the big 'O' and has just found out her current boyfriend James is a secret drag queen. Will her sexy neighbor, Edward Cullen be able to show her what she's been missing? Rom-com ExB, AH, M, OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I am going to do this for the whole story so I don't have to keep repeating myself. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A big thank you is being sent out to my lovely Pre-reader Jackie and Beta EvilPumpkin. These amazing ladies are from SRP, I suggest you check them out if you are looking for a pre-reader and/or beta!**

**Another huge thanks to IllicitWriter for making an awesome banner for this story, you can check it out on my profile and there is also a link to her website where you can apply to have a banner made. I highly recommend you check it out : )**

**OK...so here is my new story. There is adult language and situations throughout, so if you are not old enough or it is simply not something you feel comfortable with you should probably press the back up button right about now. **

**This story is not meant to be taken seriously, it is not here to challenge you, or change your world view. It is here to hopefully make you laugh. Some of the characters are OOC, this is done mainly for comic purposes. It is also fairly sarcastic. **

**I really hope you like it! **

Searching for O

Chapter One

I stood outside my apartment door and breathed in deeply, then looked around to make sure there was no one else in the hallway. I needed to give myself a strong pep talk. If anyone were to overhear said pep talk, I would surely die, so I made sure I was completely alone before I began.

"Come on, I can do this. Tonight is the night. The night that I, Bella Swan, sex goddess extraordinaire, shall experience my first mind-blowing, earth-shattering, ground-moving, knee-weakening, soul-destroying, wonderful, glorious, fan-_fucking_-tastic orgasm." I giggled. I wasn't really a sex goddess. Nevertheless, I had to talk myself up somehow, and a girl could dream. Right?

I walked into my apartment and toed off my white tennis shoes. It was eerily quiet.

On my lunch break, I had called my boyfriend, James. I instructed him that when I got home, I wanted him laid out on my bed…naked. I then told him that I was going to rock his world. I had only broke into a nervous giggle once during the whole phone call, so I considered it an amazing success.

Let me just clarify something. This was not my normal behavior. I had always been a good girl, a simple girl…a safe girl. In return for all my wholesomeness, I had been rewarded with the most boring and uninspiring sex life in the entire history of sex. At the grand age of twenty-five, I had still never had an orgasm.

Yeah, that's right. Never. Had. An. Orgasm.

Because of this, the elusive orgasm had become the Holy Grail to me. I was beginning to think that there was no such thing. That it was a cruel joke some moron had thought up just to get women to have sex with him.

My best friends, Rose and Alice, had informed me that this was not true. Orgasms were real, and they had had them. Multiple times.

That's when my challenge had started. I called it Operation "Bella needs to have an orgasm, or what is the point in anything anymore?".

I sauntered across my small living room to my closed bedroom door, where I knew James was waiting for me. I took another deep breath and put my hand on the door handle.

"Are you ready to have your world changed, stud?" I called in the most seductive voice I possessed...which, in reality, was not very seductive at all.

My voice was shaking, my palms were sweating, and I was sure I was going to fuck the whole thing up. I opened my bedroom door with a flourish, and plastered my best sex kitten smile onto my face.

Then I froze.

There wasn't much that could shock me. Walking in on my boyfriend of three months dressed head to toe in drag, however, managed to do just that. I was stunned into silence.

What do you say, when on the night you had planned on having fantastic, orgasmic sex, you instead find out that your man is a drag queen?

We stared at each other for a moment. Me in staggered surprise, him in nervous guilt. I let my eyes travel over him. The James I knew was all but gone.

He was sat on my blue bed spread. His long blond hair, which was normally tied into a tight ponytail, was down and curled around his face in delicate twists. His eyelids were heavily lined and covered in a light blue shadow. Blush had been applied liberally to his high cheekbones, and his thin lips were plumped up with pink lipstick.

My eyes traveled lower.

He was wearing a striking, skin tight, pink strapless dress. His chest was filled out with reasonably sized breasts that I was pretty sure had not been there before.

I allowed my eyes to travel down even further. His legs were encased in sheer stockings; they looked shapely and long. Feminine. I finished with his feet, which were sporting the highest, shiniest, most shocking pair of pink 'fuck me'heels I had ever seen.

There is never a good moment to come to the realization that your boyfriend looks better in a dress than you do. It didn't seem fair, but the truth was that James looked fucking fantastic.

"So, this is me," he said nervously. His voice was shaking like mine had earlier. I think he thought I was going to scream at him, get angry, or throw shit and cry. It would have been an appropriate reaction. However, I just couldn't.

To be honest, I had been expecting something to go wrong between us for some time. There was nothing wrong with James (except for the fact that he looked like a fucking goddess in drag). The problem was well and truly me. James was just the latest in a long, long,_ long_ line of romantic fuck-ups for me. I had planned to have a hot and heavy night with him. I thought he would want that, too. Instead, I had driven him to drag. I sighed heavily and sat down next to him, feeling pretty shitty about myself.

"So, I guess we're breaking up then," I said, leaning my elbow on my knee and resting my chin on the palm of my hand.

James looked over at me in shock. His pink lips opened and closed, like a fish stuck on land and gulping for breath.

"You're not…angry?" he asked.

I sighed again. "James…"

"Actually, when I'm dressed like this, I'm known as Jasmine."

I cleared my throat; there was no way I could call him that. Not without laughing…or crying. I decided to leave names out of it.

"No, I'm not angry. I was expecting something to go wrong anyway. I don't think we were ever cut out for each other."

I liked James. I found him attractive, and he was sweet and caring. Yet there had never been that spark. We never gazed into each other's eyes and felt that burning passion that screamed, _If I don__'__t rip your clothes off and mount you now, I will literally die. _With James and me, it was more a gentle kiss here, a gentle kiss there, and then a round of mediocre sex that was not especially inspiring for either of us. Just in, out, in, out, and then nothing. No fireworks, no hallelujahs, and no orgasms that rocked the center of my world.

"I am so sorry Bella. I…I have been repressing who I am for a really long time, and after your phone call this afternoon, I knew I just had to admit it to both myself and to you."

_Jesus, I really did drive him to drag,_ I thought to myself.

"Do you remember when I went out for a bachelors' night?"

I nodded. It had been at least a month ago. I nearly laughed out loud. All that time I had been thinking of ways to spice up our sex life, and he had been thinking about what 'fuck me' shoes went with what 'fuck me' dress.

"Well, we decided to go to a drag bar, as a joke…and I met Greg. He was performing that night, and since then he has been opening my eyes to all the things I had been too scared to see."

I held back a snort. I was pretty sure that wasn't the only thing Greg was opening James up to.

"So, this...Greg, he is a performing drag queen?" I asked out of morbid curiosity.

"No, he only does that on the weekends. He is actually an accountant."

I nodded. An accountant. I didn't know how to respond to that. Not that there was anything wrong with a drag queen accountant.

"So, I assume that you and Greg are seeing each other?"

James gasped in a lady-like fashion and delicately laid his hand on his fake chest. I felt my stomach tightening. My soon-to-be-ex was more ladylike than I was.

"Bella, I swear…I never cheated on you. I would never do that. Greg…he kissed me once, but that was it. I told him I could go no further…not until you and I were done. I do want to be with him, though. He is just so…so…amazing," he said with a dreamy sigh.

I felt jealousy pinch at my insides. I had never found anyone to sigh over dreamily. No one had even came close to a dreamy sigh.

"Well, I guess you should go and be with him then," I said. There didn't seem to be much point in dragging the whole thing out any longer than necessary. I just wanted to curl up on my sofa, watch re-runs of _Jeopardy_, and drown myself in a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

James let out a little cry and threw his arms around me. He squeezed me so tight that I nearly suffocated.

"Whoa there, ladies don't squeeze that hard," I gasped. He let me go with a girly giggle.

I walked him to the door and opened it for him. He stepped out, then turned and hugged me again, more gently than before.

"Thank you, Bella. You have been so great about this. Can we still be friends?"

I was pretty sure that when James walked out the door it would be the last time I would ever see him, but I agreed all the same.

He kissed me on the cheek just as the front door to the apartment across from mine opened.

Dread. Cold, hard, shitty dread hit my stomach, like a punch from a heavy weight boxer.

I looked up and met warm, emerald eyes.

Edward Cullen, my long time neighbor and long time crush, also known as, 'Cullen, fuck me hard, please,' exited his apartment and looked over to the scene in front of him. I watched shock register in those deep green eyes as he took in James in all his drag glory. Then I watched a crooked smirk lift his lips.

James said goodbye and sent Edward a flirtatious wave as he walked away.

We stood in silence, him with his irritatingly sexy-as-hell smirk on his face, me with my, _why-can__'__t-the-earth-just swallow-me-whole_ embarrassment written all over mine.

"Dum, dum, dum… another one bites the dust," he sang to me.

Arrogant, irritating, sexy asshole.

I glared up at him, and the smirk widened into a full-blown grin. It was not the first time Edward had seen a man leave my apartment after another failed attempt at a relationship.

"Yeah, ok, Casanova," I huffed defensively. I knew he was only joking, but I was pretty upset. I had come home intending to have a night of burning passion. Instead, my boyfriend had walked out dressed as a woman.

I didn't really know if Edward was a Casanova. I had no proof. I never heard any suspicious noises coming from his apartment. Never saw any girls coming to, or leaving, his place. It was just hard to imagine that he was not one.

He stank of sex appeal; it oozed out of his pores and possessed everything around him. He was the kind of guy that when a woman saw him, they would instantly start salivating at the mouth. And down below, if you get my meaning.

He made women stop in their tracks, trip over their own feet, and walk into lamp posts.

Or maybe that was just me. The lamp post thing had only happened once.

There was nothing unappealing about Edward 'fuck me hard, before I combust' Cullen. He had the most peculiar bronze hair that stuck up in all directions, giving him that freshly fucked look. It was the kind of hair that you could just grip onto whilst his head was buried between your thighs. His face was full of sharp angles, with those wide green eyes, full, suckable lips, and a jaw line that could have cut through glass. The rest of him was just as good. He was tall and lean. The tight black t-shirts he wore did nothing to hide the firm muscle that hid beneath the fabric, and his dark jeans highlighted his long, strong legs and an ass that you just wanted to bite into.

He was quite a few years older than me, in his mid thirties for sure, but I didn't care. He was the perfect older man, gorgeous, sexy, and completely unobtainable.

I could feel myself getting flustered. Just looking at him sent the blood rushing through my veins in a frenzy.

I narrowed my eyes at him, angry that he was so attractive, then turned around and reopened my door, intending to walk away from him and forget that the evening had ever happened.

"You've got something on your cheek," he called just before I entered my apartment.

I used both my hands to rub my face. When I looked at them, I noticed something sticky and pink covering my fingers.

Lipstick. James-slash-Jasmine's lipstick.

_Great,_ I thought. _Kill me, just kill me now._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**OK so there is the first chapter. Please let me know what you think. Reviews literally make my day so if you could spare a couple of minutes to let me know what you think I would really appreciate it. Also, I need to know if you think this is worth continuing!**

**Thanks**

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	2. Chapter 2

**AN at the bottom of the page. **

**Enjoy**.

Searching for O

Chapter Two

Rosalie Hale and Alice Brandon were already at Café on the Corner when I got there the next morning. I walked in and breathed a big sigh of relief. Outside, the noise and smog of New York City in the spring was stifling, but in the café, everything was calm and peaceful.

The furnishings were simple: scattered tables, comfortable chairs and a coffee bar. The walls were painted warm brown with old-fashioned floorboards

Rose, Alice, and I were all born in the same small town of Forks in Washington State. We had made friends on our first day of school and had remained that way ever since. People always said that three was a crowd, but in our case, three was a party, and it was perfect for us.

Growing up in the Middle of Nowhere, WA, however, was _not_ a party. Forks was a logging town…and that's about it. There was nothing there apart from a forest, a beach, and a few shops. It was also one of the wettest places in America. Not the most exciting place to grow up.

So, when we had finished high school, we moved to the Big Apple as fast as our teenage legs could carry us. We got jobs, a shitty apartment in the Bronx, and four years later we had managed to scrape together enough money to open a coffee shop right in the center of the city.

I loved the Café on the Corner. It was ours, an achievement that we all shared. The café had turned into a success. We were known for our strong coffees, range of paninis, and the second best cupcakes in the city. We did so well that we managed to move out of our Bronx apartment and move into individual ones of our very own. We were constantly busy, constantly working, but we were happy.

I was content just knowing that I had succeeded in something, that I was securing a future for myself. It was an amazing feeling, to know that I had built something from scratch and it had turned out really, really well.

As soon as I walked in, Alice bounced over to me. Alice always bounced; she didn't walk like a normal person. She was short and thin with black, spiky hair, and was always freakishly bubbly.

"So, how did your night go?" she asked coyly.

I huffed. "Not very well."

"Could he not make you cum?" Rose asked from behind the counter where she was getting the coffee machine ready for the day. Rose was the complete opposite of Alice. Rosalie's hair was platinum blond and fell half way down her back when she wore it down. She had curves where Alice didn't and was a foot taller than her. She was a straight talker, and she took absolutely no bullshit.

I was somewhere between them both. We complemented each other well. Alice was the dreamer, Rose was the tough nut, and me? I was the happy medium. I think this was why we worked so well together; we were neither too alike nor too different from one another.

I walked over to Rose and sat on a stool next to the counter. "I didn't even get my clothes off, let alone come anywhere close to having an orgasm."

Alice came and sat next to me. "What happened?" she asked, her face full of concern.

"When I got home, I found James- or Jasmine, as he now likes to be known- sitting on my bed dressed as a woman."

Both Alice and Rose looked at me in disbelief. Before she could stop herself, a snort erupted from Rose's nose, and she broke down into giggles.

Alice looked over at her. "Rose, stop laughing. It isn't funny."

Rose eventually calmed down. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's just… How do these things happen to you?"

I shook my head. I had no idea.

"I can't imagine James in drag. I find the whole thing quite disconcerting, actually. Was he wearing blue?" Alice asked, her brows pinched with confusion.

"No, pink."

She smiled and visibly relaxed. "Oh good, pink would suit his complexion much better."

I frowned at her. I had stopped trying to understand Alice a long time ago. To say she was strange would be an understatement. I loved her just the way she was, but I often wondered if she had been dropped on her head numerous times as a child.

"Anyway, so it turns out that he has been repressing his more feminine side for a while now, and then he met a drag queen named Greg, who also happens to be an accountant…"

"An accountant?"

"Yes, Alice, an accountant."

She thought about it for a second. "Hmm, accountants always seem so boring…Anyway, carry on."

"So, Greg has introduced James to the 'other side' of himself, and they want to be together."

"Oh, Bella, that is awful. I am so sorry," Alice said as she rubbed circles on my back to comfort me.

"It's ok. I mean, James and I were never really, you know, meant for each other anyway. I will get over it; it was just a bit of a shock."

I got up off my stool and walked through a door to the back. I dumped my coat and bag and put on my apron before heading back to the front to start preparing for the day.

"I can imagine you were shocked. Gosh, I just don't know what I would do if I found a boyfriend of mine dressed up like that. Although I would have many questions. Did you happen to ask James where he tucks his penis when he is wearing a tight skirt or something? I have always wondered about that," Alice asked as I rejoined them.

"What? No! I was too busy coming to terms with the fact that my boyfriend is quite possibly gay and that he likes to be called Jasmine. I did not ask where he hides his…his…peen." I said in horror. Only Alice could come up with something like that.

"I think in James's case, the question is- what peen? It's common knowledge that he has a pencil dick," Rose added.

Alice and I started pulling an assortment of cakes and desserts out from the fridge behind the counter and putting them in the refrigerated display case.

"James does not have a pencil dick," I muttered.

"You know that time when we all went out to that new club in the meat packing district, and my friend, Pete, came along?"

"Oh yes, I liked Pete. Wonderful hair," Alice said.

"Well, he said that he was standing next to James in the toilets and had a little peek over, like guys do, and noticed that James's cock was…well…pencil-ly. Let me tell you right now, Bella, you are not going to reach orgasm if your boyfriend has a pencil for a dick," she said matter-of-factly.

"I don't think a pencil dick is the problem," I said. "Remember when I went out with Sam 'The Horse' Uley? He couldn't get me to the special place, either. If size is the magic bus ticket to Orgasm Land, then Sam was the guy to get me there, and he didn't."

Rose turned on the panini toasters and started getting out the tubs of ingredients that we used to fill the paninis. She put them in the display unit on the other side of the coffee machine. It allowed the customers to come in, see and pick their ingredients, and then watch us make their paninis to order.

I walked over to the front door and switched the sign hanging there from closed to open.

"Why did you and Sam split up again?" Alice asked.

"Because he used to bark like a dog whenever he came. I was so shocked the first time I gave him head that I nearly bit his cock off."

That had been an interesting night, one that neither Sam Uley nor I would forget in a hurry.

"It's a shame that he barked when he…you know. I have never been a dog person. I have always preferred cats," Alice said thoughtfully.

"So you would prefer it if he meowed then?" Rose asked sarcastically.

"Definitely."

I moved back behind the counter and slouched on it heavily, putting my back to the door.

"I think the problem is the men you pick. I mean, look at your history, you have never been with a guy that doesn't have some kind of weird sexual tick," Rose said.

I thought back, hoping she wasn't right and fearing that she was.

"Mike was normal."

Mike had been my boyfriend throughout school. He was a typical blond-haired, blue-eyed, small town boy. Sweet, bored, and innocent just like the rest of us. Before I left, I decided to lose my V card to him. I didn't want to go to New York a virgin. It had been his first time, too. I remember it being uncomfortable and short, but that wasn't his fault. First times are a bitch for everyone.

"Mike doesn't count. Your first never counts when you're talking about good sex. What about the people after Mike?" Rose said.

"Well, there was Sam 'The Horse' Uley- hung like a horse, barked like a dog," I giggle-snorted at myself.

I was so caught up in my own mirth that I didn't notice neither Rose nor Alice was giggling with me. I also didn't notice how they were looking not at me but behind me. Nor the fact that they had significantly paled.

"Who was after Sam? Oh yes, Paul. He liked to do me from behind whilst looking at his muscles in a mirror. I even caught him kissing his own bicep once. Next was Jasper, he was nice, but he was so emotional that he used to cry during sex. Not just cry, sob. He would get so embarrassed about it that he would cry even more, which was off-putting. Then came Alec, who called out his sister's name once during sex. Needless to say, our relationship ended right after that. Then James/Jasmine, who turned out to be a drag queen, and in all likelihood, gay."

When I looked back at the men in my life, there was nothing to really smile about.

"Why me? Why do I pick these weird guys? Are all guys that weird? Because before the sex, they all seemed pretty normal to me…apart from Alec. Alec always was a little weird. I think it's me. I just attract these…these sexual mutant freaks to me. It seems like no normal guy in his right mind would be interested in me. Can you blame them? I am as freaky as those guys are. The weird girl who cannot have an orgasm. I am broken, barren even. I'm destined to remain alone and orgasm-less for the rest of my life. It's just not fair. I bought a vibrator, and even that didn't do the trick…Although, I never used it at its highest setting. I was too scared that I might be pinged off the bed with the vibrations, or go off pop like a balloon, or that I would…"

A sharp cough pulled me out of my never-ending monologue. With absolute horror, I realized that the cough didn't come from the ladies in front of me. It came from someone behind me.

I slowly turned around and came face to face with that stupid, beautiful, motherfucking,

sexiest-thing-on-the-planet smirk.

Edward Cullen, man of my fantasies, was standing there with one eyebrow raised sexily. Instantly I knew he had heard the whole thing, because I was not a lucky enough person for it to be any other way. I had literally exposed my entire sexual history to him. Including facts about my vibrator.

I didn't know what to do. I could feel my cheeks burning. I imagined that I was past red and well on my way to turning purple.

I had never been the best person under pressure. I always made the wrong decisions, and this time was no different. I ever-so-slowly sank to the ground, aware that I resembled an elevator, but I was too panicked to stop myself. When I was safely hidden from view behind the counter, I repeatedly banged my head against the display case's door. I hoped that I could either:

A) Knock myself out, or

B) Knock some sense into my thick skull.

Time passed. It could have been minutes, or it could have been seconds. I was not sure. Silence filled the room; no one had said a word since I had slowly descended to the floor. I hoped that he had walked out.

"Is he gone?" I hissed up at Rose, whose legs I could see next to me.

"No, I'm still here," his voice replied. "Are you going to get up yet?"

I gathered the shreds of my dignity and stood up.

"I…um…dropped a pen." I muttered trying to explain my sudden sink to the floor.

I chanced a look at him. His smile was the widest I had ever seen it. He looked amused. I had clearly given him his entertainment for the day.

"Can I…um…get you something?" I tried to ask in my best customer service voice. Instead, I stuttered, and my voice shook, making me sound like I had Tourette's Syndrome. By that point, however, I figured it was impossible to be more embarrassed than I already was, so I tried not to worry too much about it.

"Yes, can I have a black coffee, please?"

"Is that to have here, or to go?"

He leaned forward on the counter slightly. "I would love to stay here for a little while longer. This place has so much…character, but I have a meeting, so I will take it to go, please."

Rose rushed to the coffee machine to make his beverage, while I entered his order into the cash register. He only wanted a coffee, and yet somehow I managed to fuck up entering his order and had to void it twice.

"Oh, fuck a duck," I murmured as I pressed the wrong button a second time.

Edward laughed lightly and smiled in disbelief. "What did you just say?" he asked.

"Um…nothing." I murmured back. I mentally kicked myself; I had to get out of the habit of saying that.

"That's a dollar thirty, please."

He handed me a five and put the change I returned to him in the tip jar in front of the cash register. Rose handed him his drink. I thought he would leave. He didn't. He stood there for a moment, gazing at me with a mixture of confusion and wonder.

"I'll see you around, Bella," he said. Winking, he walked out.

The second he was out of sight, I started jumping around uncontrollably.

"Oh fuck a duck, fuck a duck, fuck a duck!" I screeched.

I was beyond embarrassed. It was, without doubt, the most humiliating moment in my life.

For once, Rose had no words of comfort, nothing to say to calm me down.

Alice was looking at the door, puzzlement clear on her face.

"Bella, wasn't that your neighbor? The one you have a mega-crush on?"

"Yes, Alice."

I leaned my head on the counter and focused on breathing deeply and evenly.

"Oh dear, I hate to tell you this, but he was standing right by you the whole time you were talking. I think he might have heard you."

I stopped myself from informing her that I was already quite aware that Edward "Fuck me long and deeply" Cullen had been standing behind me the whole time I was talking. Instead, I groaned into the smooth white surface of the counter and yet again wished the world would swallow me whole.

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**Thank you so much for all the alerts and reviews. I am blown away by the response to the first chapter. I hope you liked chapter 2 and hope it was not a disappointment. **

**I did try to send replies to all reviews, however had a funny 5 minutes and wouldn't let me send out messages.**

**Thanks to Jackie and Alice my lovely pre-reader and beta. This story would be nothing without you.**

**Let me know what you thought of Chapter 2. Love or hate it? Feel sorry for Bella? Ever had a boy friend who barks when he orgasms? LOL **

**Reviews are love and smiles to me.**

**Update coming soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN at the bottom of the chapter**

**Enjoy!**

Searching for O

Chapter Three

I was still sulking when I entered my apartment building that evening. I had not cheered up after the incident in the morning. I could still feel my cheeks tingling from the blush that lingered there, and I had serious concerns about the level of my blood pressure. I had decided to walk the three blocks back home instead of taking the subway as I sometimes did. But I had completely forgotten the balmy weather that was affecting the city. As a result of my absentmindedness, I was a sticky, sweaty, but hopefully not stinky, mess. My white t-shirt was stuck to me, my hair was plastered to my face, and I was in a really bad mood.

When I got inside, I flung myself dramatically on my sofa. My apartment was small, I struggled to pay my rent at times, and most of my furniture was second-hand, but it was still home, and it was worth it. I loved Alice and Rose, but living with them had been torture. Rose was loud and brought too many men home to have loud sex. Alice was always lighting incense sticks and waving them around the house to 'dispel any bad, lingering spirits'. I was much happier on my own.

I thought about the man who lived opposite me and grimaced. I was going to have to move out; I was even considering moving to another state. There was just no way I could ever come face to face with him again. I would die. I would seriously die.

I was interrupted from my sulk-fest by a knock on my door. I frowned, not knowing who it could be. I assumed it was one of the girls, coming to cheer me up after my horrendous day. I was wrong. I swung the door open and came face to face with Edward. He was smiling. I was hyperventilating.

"Hey, Bella. I was wondering if I could have a word with you?"

I looked at him blankly. What would he want to talk to me about?

He waited for my reply but soon realized he wasn't going to get one.

"I thought you might like to come over for a drink or something?" He didn't seem nervous or unsettled. He was relaxed. I, however, was crapping my pants at the prospect of spending time with him.

"If you are trying to lure me over there so you can make me feel like more of an idiot, then you can just…just piss off. I assure you, it is quite impossible for me to feel any more stupid than I feel right now. I have committed enough douchery for one day, thank you very much."

He grinned at me, "I am not trying to make you feel like an idiot, I promise. Like I said, there is just something I would like to talk to you about."

He took a step back towards his apartment. I huffed and shuffled out the door. "Fine, but if I suspect for one second that you are intentionally going out of your way to make me suffer any more, then I swear I will leave."

He extended his arm for me to enter his apartment. I paused at the threshold. It was like entering the Bat Cave. My heart was beating violently in my chest, and I couldn't believe what was happening.

Why? Why did Edward want ME to come over for a drink? His invite was all-casual. It was almost as though he had never heard my epic speech about my fear of my vibrator settings earlier that day. Most guys would be as horrified as I was. Edward was just…cool.

He rested his hand at the small of my back and nudged me inside. I almost wanted to grab hold of the door-frame and struggle against him, but I didn't. He followed me inside and closed the door behind us.

"Can I get you a drink? I have beer, wine, scotch…"

"A scotch would be great thanks."

"Ok, why don't you sit down and make yourself comfortable. I will be back in a moment. He left the room and walked into the kitchen. When I was sure he was gone, I started snooping.

His apartment was the same size as mine, but it was much better furnished. His walls were blood red, his sofas black leather. Hung all over the walls were various black and white photos of the city. On the table sat a glass picture frame. Inside it was a picture of him and two other people- a man and a woman who were clearly older than he was. I assumed they were his parents. I looked around to make sure that Edward hadn't returned from the kitchen before murmuring a "Well done" to them. They had produced an outstandingly handsome son. I could only applaud their success.

Edward returned moments later, and I perched on the edge of the leather sofa. I didn't want to get too comfortable. I figured the chances of me bolting at some point in the evening were great.

Edward handed me a tumbler of scotch before sitting down in the matching leather chair across from me. He stared at me, and I began to feel uncomfortable under his gaze. He seemed to be thinking hard about something. Trying to come to some kind of conclusion.

I lifted the glass to my lips and almost downed all of the contents. I needed some kind of courage. Liquid courage was probably not the best choice, but it was courage all the same.

"Is there a reason that you asked me over here?"

He raised an eyebrow at the bluntness of my question then smiled that heartbreaking, ovary-exploding smile of his.

"I realized today that we have been neighbors for quite a few years now, and I know nothing about you."

I snorted unattractively. _Bullshit. _After that morning, he knew more about me than most.

"Okay, what is the _real_ reason you invited me over here?"

"I couldn't help but overhear you talking this morning, and I thought maybe I could help you out with your little problem." I looked at him with confusion, not quite sure what he was getting at. "You want to find me a boyfriend that is not a weirdo?"

He laughed lightly, "No, I was kind of hoping to help you out with the other problem. The orgasm problem."

"That's it! I'm leaving," I cried as I shot off the sofa. How dare he. How dare he try to humiliate me like that after everything that had already happened! I was obviously the butt of some cruel, cruel joke.

I went for the door but was blocked by Edward. I slammed into his hard chest, and he grabbed my waist to steady me.

"Whoa, sorry! I just thought you would be interested."

"Oh you…you are unbelievable!" I punctuated every word by jabbing my finger into his chest. "I said that if you tried to embarrass me again, I would walk out the door. Well Mister, that is exactly what I am doing. I don't know if this is a bet or just some sick joke, but I won't stand for it, and I will not let you humiliate me anymore."

His eyes widened in shock as he processed what I had said. "You think this is a joke? Bella, this is not a joke or a bet. I am one hundred percent serious. I want to help you…if you want me to."

Up until that moment, I had been flailing wildly in his arms trying to break free. I stopped instantly and thought my legs were going to give out.

Edward 'I bet he has the prettiest cock in the world' Cullen wanted to give me - the attractor of mutant, sexual weirdos - my first orgasm. I almost died.

"Why…why would you want to do something like that?" I asked softly.

"Because I think you're funny, sweet, and pretty. I also think that it would be a waste if a woman like you went her whole life without having at least one satisfying sexual experience."

_Edward called me pretty! Edward called ME pretty, _my mind screamed at me.

I bit my lip lightly and watched Edward's eyes follow the movement. Something carnal flicked across those green orbs, and I came to a startling conclusion. Edward Cullen, lord of my fantasies, might find me just a tiny bit attractive. My knees were definitely going to buckle.

"I think I need to sit down." I said.

"I think that is probably a good idea."

He maneuvered me back to the sofa and pushed me down into a seated position. Then he sat next to me, not too close but not too far away and quietly let me process all that he had said.

"So, to clarify, you would like to help me achieve my um…my um…personal goal?" I asked when I regained the ability to talk. He nodded softly.

"So would we be in a relationship? Or would it be just a one-time thing? I mean, I'm not being clingy or anything. I just want to make sure I fully understand what it is you're offering."

"It would be neither. Think of it as more of an arrangement. Or think of me as a tutor."

Edward was offering to be my sex tutor. He wanted to tutor me in the art of sex. I felt giddy. I felt faint. I covered my face with my hands.

"Oh, Jesus. Oh, fuck a duck," I groaned into my palms.

Did he understand what he was offering me? Did he have any comprehension of the attraction I felt for him?

"Doesn't attraction come into this? I mean, if we are not compatible, then it won't work, right?"

Edward grinned a sexy grin, and I almost turned into a puddle on his dark carpet.

"I don't think attraction will be a problem. You are attracted to me, I am attracted to you." He was completely comfortable with his confession. I, on the other hand, was a quivering, sweaty mess. I imagined touching Edward. Then I imagined him touching me and had to bite back a groan. Then I was hit with an awful thought. What if I said yes and he couldn't manage to bring me to the elusive Big O? What if he just looked sexy but was really very bad in the bedroom department?

"What if it doesn't…work?"

He gave me a cocky smile. "Oh, trust me, sweetheart. It will work."

I'm pretty sure I came close to coming right there. He hadn't even touched me, and I was more sexually aroused than I had been all my life.

"Why don't you take the evening to think about it? Tomorrow after work, come back and let me know what you've decided. No pressure…" 

"Just pleasure!" I couldn't help but tack on to the end.

I groaned. I had committed douchery again. I couldn't stand any more. It was time to get the hell out of Dodge. I stood quickly. "Well…um… thank you for the offer and the scotch. I will think about what you have said and get back to you," I said carefully, trying not to fuck up again.

Edward showed me to the door, but he didn't open it. Instead, he closed the distance between us. He lowered his head to the crook of my neck and brushed his nose upward until he reached my ear. I squirmed and let out a gurgled moan. It took all the restraint I had to not jump him right there and then.

"Have a good night, Bella," he whispered.

I returned to my apartment and leaned heavily against my door. I tried to process what had just happened. I couldn't. I was filled with confusion, lust, and fear.

I had a lot to think about, a lot to consider, and a whole truck-load of new fantasies to create thanks to the time I had spent with Edward. It was going to be a long night.

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**I am so sorry it took me so long to update this story. I have builders at my house so the electricity has been of and on for a month (so, so annoying) and both my Pre-reader and Beta have had exams and other school stuff going on (thank you guys for all your help you rule) so finding time has been hard for everyone. I will try not to leave it so long next time but I can't promise anything. Christmas is coming up so we are probably all busy, busy!**

**GAH just a quick thing. Who saw the Hunger Games trailer? Oh my god I must of watched it a gazillion times already. I am a massive Hunger Games fan. MASSIVE. I could not be more excited for this movie. I am living in a constant state of anticipation. It is actually rather pathetic LOL. I cannot tell you how many GIFS I made from that trailer. I think it is going to be epic. Anyway just wanted to share and see if there is anyone else as crazy about this stuff as I am, cos I need people to talk to about it...ALL THE TIME LOL.**

**Let me know what you thought of the chapter. Do you like Edward? Would you like him to proposition you like that? How embarrassing is Bella? What ever you thought just let me know. I always love to hear from you guys.**

**Hopefully you will hear from me before Christmas**

**3**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN at the bottom of the page.**

**Enjoy!**

Searching For O

Chapter 4

"Last night, after work, Edward, invited me over to his apartment for a drink and offered to tutor me in orgasms," I said out of the blue.

"He _what_?" Rose shouted. A customer sitting in the far corner of the cafe jumped, and then looked over at us, startled. The morning rush had finished, and we were in the lull before lunch. I smiled at the customer hoping we hadn't interrupted his peace too much.

"He said that it would be a waste for me not to have a least one satisfactory sexual experience, and he thinks he could be the one to…you know…give me it."

"Oh, that's nice. Although that is a very strange profession. I mean, really, is there money in that?" Alice asked.

"I don't think that is his actual profession. I think he was just offering his…talents," I replied.

"Ohh." She thought about it for a second. "No, I still don't get it," she said before she got up and walked out the back.

"He is a little self assured, don't you think?" Rose said.

"Maybe, but what have I got to lose?"

"You're going to go for it, then?" she said with a sharp edge to her voice.

"I don't know. On one hand, I really want to, but on the other hand, I'm really scared."

The front door opened, distracting us from our conversation, and Madame Kovarian, one of our regulars, walked in.

"Darlings, darlings," she called as she waved her hands around, announcing her presence to anyone who was near.

Madam Kovarian was originally from England and used to be a dancer on Broadway. She had gotten a little too old for the dancing, but the glamor and drama of the stage had never left her. That morning she was wearing a fine, red silken smock with a matching turban. She rolled her R's, still carried her cigarettes in an antique case, and told us countless stories about her exotic life as an actress in the 1950's and how she had once dated a Moroccan prince. She was eccentric, to put it mildly, but we liked her that way.

"Rosalie, Bella, you ladies look beautiful as always," she said as she made it to us. She kissed us each dramatically on both cheeks.

"Would you like your usual, Madame Kovarian?" Rose asked.

"Yes, dear. A chai tea would be most lovely," she said as she perched on a stool.

"Now, tell me. How have you been? Any handsome men on the horizon for you girls?"

"Bella and James broke up. Turns out he batted for the other team," Rose said.

We kept no secrets from Madame Kovarian. She had a sly way of getting all the information out of us anyway, whether we liked it or not. So, in the end, we just gave up and started letting her in on our secrets.

"I wouldn't worry about it, my dear. Back in my day, and especially in the theater industry, most men were either gay or played for both teams. They'd have lunch with Rebecca and dinner with Roger, if you see what I mean. I once dated this writer, and one day, he invited another man into the bedroom with us. At first, I was horrified, but then I was rather intrigued by the idea, so I said yes. My partner- now, what was his name? Ah, yes, Bertie… Bertie and I were partaking in our usual relations whilst this other man watched. Then, out of the blue, he stood up, bent Bertie over me, and thrust his hard rod straight into Bertie's…"

"Madame Kovarian!" Alice screeched in welcome as she walked back into the main part of the cafe. I let out a massive sigh of relief. Sometimes Madame Kovarian lacked a verbal filter. I was so glad that I didn't have to hear the end of that story.

Alice ran around the counter and embraced Madame Kovarian. "There she is, my tiny dancer," she crooned.

Out of all of us, Alice was Madame Kovarian's favorite. There was something about Alice's bubbly, bizarre and often simple personality that she just found endearing. Sure, she kept an eye on all of us and made sure we were okay, but with Alice, it was a little more. She had found a kindred spirit- a younger version of herself. They wondered off to a table so they could sit together and talk.

"Well, I'm glad that I didn't hear the end of that story," Rose muttered, making me giggle. We worked side by side, cleaning and preparing for the lunch rush. "So, what are you going to do about this Edward situation?" she asked.

I was still uncertain. Part of me wanted to jump at the chance or jump him. The other part wanted to hide under a rock and play it safe.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Honestly?" she asked carefully.

"Honestly."

"I think it's a bad idea. You have liked him for a long time now, and I'm scared that you are going to get too tangled up with him and end up getting hurt. Don't forget- for him, it will be an arrangement; it won't be a relationship. He won't be your boyfriend who you can tell all your problems to and who will rub your feet after a bad day. Can you really keep it to that, or will you fall too deep?"

The honest truth was that I didn't know.

"I just don't want you to get your heart broken. I know that you are frustrated with the lack of satisfaction in your previous relationships, and I know that it seems like every guy out there is a freak. But that is not true. There are guys out there- sweet, normal guys who are great in bed and who want a genuine relationship, not just an arrangement. Why don't you go for one of them?"

A customer walked in then, and Rose went to serve them, leaving me to think about what she had said. It all made perfect sense, but the problem was I seemed to have an issue finding those sweet, normal, great in bed guys that also wanted a relationship.

There was also the way I felt about Edward. For the first time in my life, I felt genuine lust. I wanted him. And he was offering himself to me. Why shouldn't I take him up on his offer? Yet at the same time, I was scared. Scared that it wouldn't work, scared that I _would_ get in too deep, and certain that somewhere down the line I was going to make a fool of myself.

"Right, I think I am going to go on my lunch break now before it gets busy. Will you and Alice be okay?" Rose asked as Madame Kovarian and Alice rose from their seats.

"Yeah, we will be fine."

Madame Kovarian left in a flurry of hugs, air kisses, and "Darlings". Rose left with her, leaving me with Alice. We served customers as they came in and chatted lightly.

"I noticed Rose talking to you earlier; she had that look in her eye, that mean look. Was she talking about Edward offering you his help?"

"Yes, she thinks it is a bad idea. She thinks I will get too involved."

"Maybe you will. Maybe he will. Who knows? Getting your heart broken is scary stuff, but it is survivable. If you say no, then you will keep your heart safe, locked away in a little box and protected against the world, like it has been. The only problem with that is that you will spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you'd said yes. If you say yes, you may get your heart broken, or you may break his, or maybe, just maybe, you'll fall in love. Even if you don't fall in love, you may well get a good orgasm. That's the thing, you don't know what might happen until you try."

For someone so ditzy, sometimes Alice could be really wise. But I thought she was looking into it a little too deeply. I wasn't even thinking about love at the moment, only sex. At the same time, however, it was another point of view to consider.

Hours later, I paced between Edward's front door and mine. I didn't know what to do. Should I just go home and forget about the whole thing? Or should I go to Edward and say yes to his crazy offer?

I walked to Edward's door. _Say yes, before he changes his mind and retracts his offer,_ Reckless Bella thought. I raised my hand to knock but couldn't do it.

_Why? Why would he offer to do this? It is crazy. You can't do this, Bella, _thought Safe Bella, which sent me scuttling over to my side of the hallway, where I paused again.

_Stop being such a wimp, Bella! _I screamed at myself before I returned to Edward's side.

I was at war with myself. I just couldn't make up my mind. I didn't understand why I was finding the decision so hard. I had been lusting after Edward for years. He was who I wanted, the man I dreamed of. The answer should have been a resounding yes, but something was holding me back.

"You're going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep pacing like that," Edward said through his door.

I looked over at Edward's door and noticed the tiny glass peephole that allowed people on the inside to see what was happening on the outside. In Edward's case, that was me endlessly pacing around and muttering to myself. How attractive.

The door swung open, and Edward leaned against the jamb with his arms crossed across his chest. He gave me a sexy smile. He was wearing another one of those black t-shirts that made my saliva glands go into overdrive and a faded pair of baggy jeans.

I could do nothing but stare at him and pray to God I wasn't drooling.

"I'm making dinner. Did you want to join me?"

I looked back to my door, then back at him. I had worked myself into an indecisive frenzy.

"I don't know," I said sheepishly. I was about two seconds from bolting back into my apartment. I wasn't sure I could handle the tension.

I knew then that the whole thing was never going to work. There was no way I was ever going to be comfortable with an arrangement like the one Edward was proposing. The anticipation would be too much for me, and I knew that if he tried to touch me, I would be as stiff as a board. Not because I didn't want him to touch me, but because I would be too scared of what might happen if he did.

But the second I came to that realization, that other nagging voice came back, telling me that all my life I had played it safe. I had never been reckless, never just let go and let life swallow me. I had always been good, and maybe I shouldn't be anymore. Maybe Edward was the push I needed to let go of the boring me and become a more relaxed, self-assured, and fun me.

"I think that's probably a bad idea. I should just go," I forced myself to say. The good girl was not going down without a fight.

Edward frowned and looked momentarily confused before a look of understanding swept over his face. He seemed to realize that he had made me nervous.

"It would just be for dinner. I promise no funny business… Please, just come and eat with me, and we can talk. You look uncomfortable, and I'm really sorry if that is how I have made you feel. I meant what I said yesterday. I want to get to know you better, even if you turn down my offer."

I knew I shouldn't have gone in there, but I also knew I couldn't stop myself. I nodded lightly and walked through the door, entering the lion's den.

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**Hi guys. I am so sorry for the long delay in the update. Christmas was a busy time for me and my Pre-reader and Beta to so it took a little while to get this chapter posted. Good news is that the next chapter is already with the Pre-reader so hopefully I will update again soon. **

**A big thanks to my lovely Pre-reader and Beta you ladies know who you are!**

**I hope you liked the chapter. What did you think of Madam Kovarian? (If you recognize the name it is because it comes from Dr Who which coincidentally I do not own so please don't sue me for using the name.) **

**Who do you think is right Rose or Alice? Please let me know. Reviews make me happy : )**

**I am sorry that I didn't have the chance to reply to the reviews for the last chapter. As I said Christmas was hectic and is a long affair in my family. Everytime I even looked at my laptop I was screamed at LOL. I will do better this time I swear. **

**I hope you all had an amazing Christmas/Holiday and I wish you all a wonderful New Year. **

**x**


	5. Chapter 5

Searching For O

Chapter 5

**I am sorry If you are getting two alerts for this chapter. I uploaded the wrong document and had to delete it. What a mess!**

Edward walked into his apartment behind me and closed the door, locking us in together. I was having heart palpitations and was sure I was going to have a sudden and ill-timed heart attack.

He innocently brushed past me and walked into the kitchen.

"Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes. It is just in the oven," he said.

I heard him walking around, opening and closing doors as he went. He returned holding two glasses of red wine. He handed me one, and I smiled in thanks, not trusting myself to speak.

"So, are we going to talk? I can see how close you are to bolting out the door."

I looked down at my feet, ashamed that he could read me so easily.

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry. I should never have offered you what I did. If I have offended you, I apologize. I don't know that I was thinking," he rushed to say. I could hear the panic in his voice and instantly felt bad. I was not offended, just awkward.

"Are you taking your offer back?" I asked.

"No, but I don't want you to think that I am some sexual fiend who is just jumping on an opportunity to sex up a vulnerable woman."

I gasped in shock. "You think I'm vulnerable?" I couldn't keep the hurt edge out of my voice.

"Not really, not in the bad way that you are thinking. What I overheard yesterday could, potentially, make you vulnerable to me…I'm making things worse, aren't I?"

I nodded, my free hand resting on my hip and my eyes narrowed.

"Look, I have watched you from afar for a while now, and I've always found you attractive. I just didn't know what to do about it. I would have asked you out, but I can't have a relationship right now…"

That made me suspicious, and my eyes narrowed even further. "Why not?"

"It's personal."

"Are you seeing someone else? Do you have a girlfriend? Because I am not…"

"No, god, I haven't dated for four years. It's not that; it is something else. Something I don't want to share… not yet, anyway."

I nodded. I had no choice but to trust him. Everyone had his or her secrets. I had not known Edward long enough to demand to know all the dark, juicy details of his life. I wanted to know, but I wasn't going to force him. So instead, I just took him at his word and hoped that it would not backfire on me later.

Once I had dealt with that situation, I focused on something Edward had said before.

"You've found me attractive all this time you've been living across from me?" I asked bashfully.

He nodded. I felt a blush blaze across my face. I tried to hide it and my smile in my wine glass as I drank from it.

"When I heard that you had never had an orgasm, I knew that I wanted to be the one to give you that experience. I might not be able to give you a relationship, but I can give you an orgasm that will ruin any other man for you," he said darkly.

I coughed on my red wine, nearly choking. I composed myself and tried to find a response that would be coherent. Although, I don't know how I could possibly speak after that. I wasn't sure if I wanted other men to be ruined for me. It was a bold promise to make, but if anyone could achieve it, I was pretty sure Edward could.

"Why do you think you can't have an orgasm?" he asked, embarrassing me further.

"What are you, a psychologist or something?" I said defensively.

"No. Actually, I am a photographer for an architectural magazine. Come, I will show you."

He held out his hand. I hesitated before placing my palm against his. He wrapped his long fingers around my hand, causing warmth to spread through my whole body. The small touch of my hand in his set me aflame. I wasn't sure I could survive if he touched another part of me.

He led me towards a closed door, a door that I knew led to his bedroom. The furnishings in his apartment may have looked thousands of dollars more expensive than mine, did but the layout was exactly the same.

I started to panic. Edward Cullen was leading me to his bedroom. I was pretty sure magic happened in that room, magic that I may or may not want to happen to me… Oh, who was I kidding? I totally wanted it.

I took a deep breath as he opened the door and pulled me inside. The room was dark, the walls a deep purple, with a matching bedspread stretched taut over a king sized bed. At the back of the room was a desk covered in folders and papers. That was where he led me.

"These are my latest ones; there is one here that you might be interested in," he said as he handed me a heavy black folder.

I opened it up and started flicking through the photos inside. Every single one was beautiful. Somehow, Edward had not only captured the buildings of New York, but the living, breathing pulse of the city too. It was in the people, the graffiti that he had seamlessly managed to weave into photos of government buildings and skyscrapers. There were photos of apartments, and delis, shops and stadiums.

I flicked the page over and drew in a shocked breath. He had a picture of Café on the Corner. It was in black and white and focused on the front of the café. It was a rainy day; I could see the flecks of rain splashing diagonally across the page. People in business suits and carrying black briefcases shuffled past. It was bleak and cold, but the café somehow looked warm. The lights were on inside, and the black and white of the photo made it glow. A man and woman were leaving the shop. They were looking at each other and smiling, happy despite the rain.

It was perfect; it was exactly how I saw Café on the Corner- as a place of warmth, friendliness, and smiles.

"Edward, this is amazing. I don't know what to say. Is it possible to get a copy of this so we can hang it up? I would be willing to pay for it…"

"Don't be silly, it's yours for free. I will blow up a copy for you as soon as I can."

"Thank you."

He went and sat on his bed, leaving me stood alone by his desk.

"Did you think about my offer at all?" he asked.

I wanted to shout at him. He didn't look flustered at all. After everything he had said to me that evening, I at least expected a blush from him, maybe even a stutter. I felt like I was going to burst. I was constantly blushing; butterflies were not just flying around in my stomach, they felt as though they were ramming the walls of it and trying to get out. I hated that he could remain so collected when I felt like I was on some kind of strange and erotic roller-coaster.

"Yes, I thought about it. I haven't made up my mind," I said honestly. He (I hoped) had been honest with me so far. I could at least do the same for him.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're going to say no," he said with a wolfish grin that said, "If you I do, I am sure I can change your mind."

"Maybe because I am a good girl, and you seem all kinds of dangerous," I was trying to be sexy, seductive. I saw Edward lick his lips. His eyes trailed over me, giving me the most obvious eye-fuck in living history. I thought that I might actually succceeded in being sexy and seductive, until I leaned on the chair in front of Edward's desk.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I wanted to lean on it and jut my hip out provocatively, like you saw all the women do in the movies. However, I forgot that office chairs that belong with office desks normally have wheels on the bottom of them.

The second I put my weight on the chair, it gave way. It started rolling away from me – slowly at first, before the weight of my body falling with it caused it to speed up. I had no choice but to go with it, no time to save myself from the ultimate humiliation of falling on my face whilst trying to be alluring.

I stayed as stiff as a board as I fell. It was almost as though my body knew I would die of mortification; rigor mortis was already setting in.

I landed in a heap on Edward's floor with an "Umpf." So much for sexy and seductive.

Edward rushed to my side. "Jesus, Bella, are you ok?" he asked as he helped me up.

I had no choice but to brazen it out. I couldn't pretend that it hadn't happened; I could see Edward trying not to laugh as he helped me over to sit on his bed.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked again.

"Yes, I'm fine. It's only my ego that is bruised."

He laughed lightly and sat next to me. Right next to me. As in, there was no space between us. I could feel his strong thigh pressed up against mine and shuddered. I had to get a hold of myself. If I continued to blush, stutter, and shudder every time I was near Edward, then I would start developing nervous tics, and nervous tics were never ever attractive.

He was looking at me; I could feel his stare boring into the side of my face. I just looked down at my feet, not having any idea what I was doing. He reached over and lightly grabbed my chin. He pulled my head around to face his.

He was close. So, so close. I could feel his light, warm breath hitting my cheek. It sent a tingling sensation down my neck and over my body, all the way to my toes, which curled involuntary in my sneakers.

"Say yes, Bella," he murmured as his hand moved from my cheek to the back of my head. His fingers curled into my hair, holding me still.

"I can't," I replied, playing hard to get.

"But I could make you feel so good," he said, before his lips claimed mine. My bottom lip was cushioned between his top and bottom one as he sucked on it ever so lightly. I groaned against my will as his mouth opened and he took my lips again. His tongue lightly licked at mine before he pulled away.

He smirked. His kiss was more than a seduction; it was just a taste of what he could do. Of how good he could make me feel. Of what I would be missing out on if I said no.

I could barely move, barely breathe. Edward had kissed me. It was a small kiss, but it was by far the best in my whole existence. I was floating on cloud nine. If his kisses could do that to me, God only knew what I would be reduced to if he did anything else.

Suddenly something started beeping.

Edward jumped up as though everything was fine, as though the kiss he had just planted on me had done nothing for him.

"Dinner's ready," he said.

"You…you said no funny business," I stuttered out, in my post- kiss haze.

He winked at me, a nasty, horrible, sexy, beautiful wink.

"I lied."

He strutted from the room, because let's face it, if you had an ass like that you would strut, too.

"Oh boy. Oh no. Oh, fuck a duck," I said to myself when I realized that if Edward wanted me, then he would have me. I was strong, but he was Superman, and there was no Kryptonite in sight. I was powerless to stop him. I took a deep breath, stood up and left the room. I needed to try and get through dinner with out embarrassing myself further.

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**OK sorry for the delay in updating. I know I say this every time but we really are trying to get this to you as quick as possible. I have work commitments and my Beta and Pre-reader have collage and exams. This means that we cannot be as quick as we would like or respond to you more. I am just so busy, I can keep apologizing but I cannot do anything about it. Sorry : (**

**Let me know what you think of the chapter xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Before you all begin I just need to apologize for the lack of recent updates. My laptop died on me so I had to buy a new man and have all my documents retrieved from the old one. It took a little time (and unfortunately a lot of money) to get it all sorted. But now everything is fine and I should be able to update a lot more regularly now. Again I am really sorry.**

**OK on with the story.**

Searching For O

Chapter 6

We sat at Edward's dining table and ate in silence. We were staring at each other intently. He was grinning as usual thinking he had won. I was glaring wishing he was not such a sexy beast of a man. He turned my legs to jelly and my mind to mush. It really wasn't fair.

"This lasagna is really nice, did you make it yourself?" I asked trying to make conversation.

"No, I can't cook for shit. It came from a box, sorry," he said sheepishly, as thought he was embarrassed.

Finally, I had found something that Edward Cullen wasn't good at. He could have lied to me and told me he made it from scratch, but he didn't, he told me the truth so I decided to leave it.

"Do I make you nervous?" he asked.

I snorted, "is the pope catholic?"

He grinned and forked another piece of lasagna into his mouth.

"I have a proposition for you," he said once he had swallowed his food.

"Another one, you seem rather fond of those."

"You might like this one better; I thought maybe we should get to know each other a little better before anything else happens. That way you won't feel as uncomfortable and then we can just see how things go. If we naturally end up naked on my bed then so be it."

My mouth went dry and I think I went boss eyed. The thought of me and Edward naked on his bed nearly put me in a coma.

"And if it doesn't end up…with you know…if we didn't…if there was no sex?" I bumbled.

"Then we have gained a friend. This won't be dating. I want to be upfront with you, honest. I can't date you Bella."

Before he said that I was feeling light, airy….and aroused. But those words were like a kick in the stomach. He wanted to sleep with me, to pleasure me but he wouldn't date me and he wouldn't tell me why.

"So, if I met someone and was asked out on a date you would be fine if I went then?" I said, wanting to test him. I could go along with his little idea, but I would not have him be possessive of me if he didn't want me.

His jaw tightened and his eyes darkened, clearly, the idea of me with someone else was not something he was pleased about.

"You can't have it both ways Edward, if you don't want to date me that's fine but that means that you can't keep me either."

He nodded stiffly, "of course."

"Good, then I accept…and if we end up naked in my shower with your head between my legs so be it," I said coyly. I smiled into my wine glass as a look of shock passed over his features and a light blush erupted on his cheeks. Finally, I had gotten the upper hand.

XoX

"It makes no sense, I just don't understand. It kept me up all night, I couldn't sleep all I did was wonder how they do it…how do they get the cream in Twinkies?" Alice asked in complete wonder as she gazed at the Twinkie she held in her hand.

It was her day off but she had come in to see Rose and me anyway.

"I think they do it with a little machine, they insert a metal tube thing into the Twinkie and squeeze cream in," I replied.

Alice just looked at me with a lost expression.

"OK, let me simplify it for you," Rose said.

"Imagine the Twinkie is a vagina, and the metal tube is a cock…"

"Rose do you have to be so crude?" I interjected.

"Yes, Alice understands sex…so, the metal cock inserts itself into the vagina, and they kind of have sex and then the cock cums and fills the vagina with cream."

Alice thought about it for a second. "So, it's like sex just with food products instead of people?"

"Exactly."

Understanding dawned on Alice's face "Oh, yeh I totally get it now."

I shook my head in disbelief. Sometimes I wondered how I was friends with Alice and Rose, they were just so unlike me. But as soon as that stray thought entered my head I would remember all the great memories we had created, all the times we had laughed until we cried and comforted each other when we were upset. I truly loved them and to me they were the best friends in the world.

The front door opened, I turned to look at the customer and grimaced. Jasper Whitlock, my ex-boyfriend nervously walked in. I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

He was a stunningly handsome man, which was what had attracted me to him in the first place. He was tall and lean, his body like a marble sculpture. He had blond curly hair that fell just passed his ears that framed a face that was nothing short of beautiful. His skin was flawless porcelain and he had piercing ice blue eyes that used to make me go gaga. He was born and raised in Texas and still carried the accent. He could be cheeky and charming, when I first met him he was a smooth motherfucker and I had really thought my time had come. I was certain that he was going to skyrocket me into orgasm oblivion.

That hadn't happened, and Jasper turned out to be an emotional motherfucker instead of a smooth one.

I hadn't seen him since we had broken up half a year before. It had been an awful affair. Jasper had cried, just like he did whenever we had sex…sorry made love, Jasper couldn't have just plain old sex.

He walked up to the counter purposely.

"Hi, Bella," his voice was shaking ever so slightly.

"Um, hi Jasper, how's it going?"

"I'm ok thanks, how are you?"

"Fine…can I get you something?" I asked, wondering what he was doing there.

"Actually, I came to talk to you. I am having therapy for my…problem. I have had some issues concerning our relationship…issues of guilt actually. My therapist thinks that I needed to come and see you to apologize for the way I was. I'm getting better. I only spontaneously have a crying fit about twice a day which I am sure you agree is a massive improvement," I nodded thinking that twice a day was still quite high.

"I sincerely apologize, Bella. I know how uncomfortable I made you and I am sorry about that."

His icy eyes were wide and panicked, fearing that I would rebut his apology.

"That's ok Jasper; really you have nothing to apologize for. I am glad you are getting the help you need," he let out a relieved breath and smiled.

"Oh look at you, your aura is so sad," Alice said.

He looked over at her, the worry returning to his eyes.

"It is?"

"Oh, yes. It is a dark miserable green. That is not good it means your Irritated, Troubled, Uneasy, Worried, Distressed, and Gloomy. It is not a good aura at all."

Jaspers chin started to wobble precariously, "God damn it not even my aura is normal," he managed to choke out before the sobs broke free.

Watching Jasper cry was like watching a car accident on the highway. You didn't want to look at the carnage but couldn't look away.

Big fat tear-drops rolled down his beet red cheeks, his mouth opened and closed and his chest heaved with his sobs.

Rose and me stood statically still in a state of utter shock. Alice, however, sprang into action. If someone was sad, or sick Alice was there to look after them. She took injured animals into her home and healed them; she gave advice to random strangers on the street who she thought looked 'down'.

"Oh no…oh dear…now, now. Its ok, we can fix your aura, get away from your muddy green to topaz blue," she said soothingly.

Jasper wiped the sleeve of his shirt over his face "You think?" he said hopefully.

"Of course, come on let's get you home, I'll make you a nice hot coco and everything will feel better," she linked her arm with his.

"Sorry" hiccup "Bella," Jasper managed to say as Alice lead him out of the café.

The café was silent, neither Rose, the customers or me said anything for a good two minutes after Jasper and Alice's departure.

After a while Rose and I got back to work. There was always something to be done at café on the corner. If there were no customers there was cleaning to be done and ingredients to be prepared.

"You never told us how it went with Edward yesterday," Rose said in-between serving customers.

I had been dreading bring the whole Edward subject up. Rose had seemed dead against me having anything to do with him. She could be forceful sometimes but I had a stronger backbone then most thought, I was not scared to defend my decisions or myself and sometimes that lead to arguments between us.

"It went well; we had dinner and decided that we were just going to get to know each other better before jumping into anything."

"Cool, as long as you're careful…he is older than you right?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes,"

"Don't you find that weird?" it seemed like I had found the source of Rose's problem.

"No, he is not that much older than me. He can't be older than thirty-five."

"Still, that is quite a gap." she persisted.

"Yes, but as long as I don't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that then it doesn't matter," I said with a hint of sharpness in my tone.

Rose held her hands up in surrender.

"He is a photographer; he has the most amazing photo of this place. I thought we could hang it up somewhere."

"Sounds good, whilst we are on the subject of the café, I was thinking that maybe we should look into hiring. We have worked so hard on this place, some weeks not having a day off at all and it is getting busier and busier. I want to be able to have two days off in a row, or go and visit my family you know?"

I did know we had been working non-stop ever since we opened the café on the corner. I hadn't gone home to Forks in years; I had practically forgotten what free time was. Rose was right we did deserve a break.

"I think that's a great idea, as long as one of us is here every day I think it will work. We should put an advertisement in the paper and maybe one in the window."

Rose smiled excitedly. "Awesome, I will clear it with Alice and get started. Leave the advertising to me."

XoX

A few hours later Alice returned. Her hair was flat one side and stuck up on the other, at the back it was matted and needed a good brush. Her shirt was buttoned up wrong and she was walking slightly bow-legged. She had a satisfied and dreamy smile on her face.

She hobbled over to us and climbed onto the stool wincing as she did.

"Alice Brandon you got laid," Rose stated.

"What?" Alice replied only just realising that someone had been talking to her.

".Laid," Rose repeated.

Alice smiled. "Yes, I did and it was amazing."

I gritted my teeth and prayed to god that the amazing sex she had was not with Jasper.

"I had just made me and Jasper a mug of coco, and we had just sat down and then suddenly he kissed me, he kissed me so good that I just had to sleep with him."

"Did he cry? Did you have an orgasm?" I almost shouted.

"He cried a little bit, but I didn't mind. To be honest I think he had cried himself out of tears on the journey to his apartment. As for the orgasm it was the best in my life."

I couldn't stop the tears from gathering in my eyes.

"Are you angry at me Bella, I'm sorry I didn't think. He is your ex…I…I broke the girl code." Alice said almost crying herself.

I shook my head wanting her to know that I wasn't angry about that but not trusting myself to speak without bursting into tears.

I was angry because Alice had mind blowing, the best in her life sex with a guy that did nothing for me when we did it.

The tears began to spill over onto my cheeks.

"Oh Jesus Bella," Rose said wrapping an arm around me.

"I know what you're thinking right now and you need to stop."

I let out a little sob. All that time I thought the problem was with the men I picked but it seemed obvious after Alice's confession that the problem was not with the men at all.

The problem was me.

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**OK so there you go I really hope you liked the chapter. I know a lot of you want the smut right now but good things come to those who wait, patients is a virtue and a watched pot never boils. (I don't think that last one actually fit in there but I LOVE that saying.) It is coming just not right now.**

**In other news The Wayward Pushers reviewed my other story Love's Little Book (there is a link on my profile page). Thank you to whoever convinced them to do it because I am pretty sure I didn't deserve it lol.**

**Let me know what you thought of the chapter, reviewers will get a teaser for chapter 7.**

**Update will be coming soon!**

**xxx**


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